This week I learned that Aaron, my husband’s brother in law, was diagnosed with dementia. This discovery is deeply disturbing, since Aaron is only 58 and will be moved into a nursing home permanently. I am shocked and can not believe this is the truth, as I type this entry – a tribute to Aaron.
Aaron is an intelligent, independent and opinionated man, whose love of classical music is the passion we in particular have in common. Complicated and hardworking, he became bitter in the later years. Living in Israel, is a tough life. Aaron was battered by years of silent suffering. He wasn’t one to share his emotions, or reach out and ask his family for help. His career as the manager of a reputed textile company came to a sudden end in his early 50’s. He needed to begin a new, which was devastating to him. Over the years, his family of origin betrayed him, his marriage dissolved and his kids grew distant. Aaron suffered tremendous stress that he internalized. The signs of stress were evident to all that knew him but not to him.
The last time I saw him was in January of 2006. I hadn’t seen him since 1994, a long time to go without seeing close family. There were the telltale signs of stress, the chronic smoking, the underlying anger and bitterness present in his body language. A language that communicated defeat, alienation and isolation, a worn man who was beaten down by the years of sadness and struggle.
Now I cry for Aaron. I cry for the years of pain and suffering – the years of denial. I ponder what could have been done to free him from his agony – the burden of life. I know that to live is to live each day as a precious gift that has been given to us. The reality is that none of us, young or old, knows what lies ahead of us. We do know what we have now in this moment and that life can change in an instant.
Aaron, this blog entry is dedicated to you, to those who live with dementia, an incurable illness and to the family and friends who must go on and live with the pain and loss.
