Last week I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis of both knees. Given my age (50), my athletic history and that I’ve had two surgeries this year it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. I didn’t expect osteoarthritis at fifty. I assumed this to be an affliction of the elderly. Not so – osteoarthritis can strike at any age – as a result of trauma to a joint, degenerative wear and tear of the joints, your age, your health, and your genes.
I was in denial until last Wednesday. In this past I pushed myself to the brink of injury, trying to subdue/curtail/tame the aging process. I often exercised like I was 25 and not my chonological age. Even though I am in good shape, I am guilty of overtraining – striving for a youthfulness that has escaped me, only to awaken abruptly from my denial – disillusioned, tired and injured.
Here’s where a buddhist approach has helped me find comfort and relief during this challenging year. I am reading Pema Chodron’s, “The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times.” I have concluded that aging is inevitable, it happens to us all. Therefore, rather than fight or deny it, I have gracefully and proudly accepted the reality of this natural occurance.
For 49 years my body has served me well. I never had a serious sickness or an injury. I am fortunate. However, suddenly at 50, I had two knee surgeries, which resulted in osteoarthritis and chronic pain. Hence, the Buddhist concept regarding the nature of impermanence applies here. I am learning to be present, more in the moment – to sooth and pay attention to the pain rather than fight it. I am learning to accept and respect myself as I am now at 50. I refuse to strive for the ever elusive and unattainable fountain of youth that our culture prizes and media sells us. I can still lead a healthy and fit lifestyle, on my own terms, while I endure the changes of growing older.
